Globalization

Writing: Correction of texts.

Symbols:
ww: wrong word. g: grammar.
p: punctuation. : remove word.
s: spelling. f-ww.: (in)formal word.
wo: word order. : add a word.
wf: word form.

Ver también: Linkers para una lista de palabras que te pueden ayudar en tus escritos.

  

Ver también: Linkers para una lista de palabras que te pueden ayudar en tus escritos.

Write about globalization. Say whether it is good or bad and who it is good or bad for. Also, if you say it is bad, say what we should do about it.

Text: If you like, try to correct the text first. I've given you a few hints. See the key above.

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Corrected text:

Globalization

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear this word is "homogenization."

On the one hand, people have access to a lot of information, but if you think twice, you realize that it is mainstream information. People are either too busy or too lazy to find more information and they swallow everything that is given to them which they can take with no effort.

In this way people tend to think the same, to dress the same and to wear the same brands. They become little or not critical at all.

On the other hand, I would ask, globalization for whom? It seems to me that third world countries are not included in such a fraudulent wonder.

Why not include all countries in a real globalization? Why not have a globalization of human rights, respect for the environment, distribution of wealth, education in the broad sense of the word, that is, including in the ability to be critical.

That is too dangerous I guess. I think that the powers that be prefer a globalization only in business terms, with free markets where everybody can buy and sell. Of course, only those with the money to do it.

Victoria G.

Explanations:

" First thing" vs. "The first thing" - The word "the" refers to the word "homogenization," which comes later in the text. Contrast this with the title "globalization," which is general in nature and is written without the article "the."

By the way, the phrase "that comes to my mind" is correct, but you could also use the expression "that comes to mind" without the possessive adjective "my," which might give you an extra point on an exam.

"... when I listen to this word is ..." vs. "... when I hear this word is ..." - The word "listen" is more active and the word "hear" is more passive. If you use the word "listen," it sounds like you are always actively listening for the word. I imagine you with your hand held by your ear

"... this word is "homogenization."" - The quotation marks defines exactly which word comes to mind when you think of the topic of "globalization."

"On one hand people ..." vs. "On the one hand" - The first phrase may be correct, but the second is by far the most frequent. Use the second one. If you use this type of linking phrase, later in the text you should say "on the other hand" as you did. We are, after all, talking about our two hands specifically and not others' "hands" in general.

"if you think it twice" vs. "if you think it over" OR "if you think twice" - The latter solution is part of an expression which means "to weigh something carefully" (thefreedictionary.com) which you can't change and still preserve the expression. It would probably give you more points on an exam because it's an expression. ("Think it twice" means to think two times, but you would need a preposition like "think about it twice.") The first solution is a phrasal verb which means "to consider."

"if you think twice, you realize that..." In conditional sentences separate the two parts of the sentence either by the word "if" or by a comma. For example, you can also change the order of the two parts and write: "you realize something if you think twice."

"it is a main stream of information" vs. "it is mainstream information" - The word "information" is uncountable so you can't say "I have two informations " and neither can you have "a" a "one" information.

"People are too busy or ..." vs. "People are either too busy or ..." - "either ... or ..." is a common linking phrase. Even if the sentence might be correct without this connector as it is above, use it in your writing for extra points or a more professional look.

"People are either too busy or they are to lazy to find more information" vs. "People are either too busy or too lazy to find more information" - There are two mistakes here. The first one is minor and not really a mistake. It is that "they are" is optional, but repetitive and redundant. In the same way that you can say "I can swim and ski" instead of "I can swim and I can ski," you can also remove "they are" from the sentence above. The second mistake is just a little silly. Compare "to do or not to do" with "to lazy or not to lazy." Though I might prefer to do the latter on the weekends, you obviously didn't mean to use the word "lazy" as a verb.

"that it is given to them and that they can take with no effort" vs. "that is given to them which (that) they can take with no effort. In the first mistake "that" and "it" refer to the same thing so you have two pronouns in this clause where only the "relative pronoun" is necessary. In the second mistake "and" is a bit "Spanglish." "That" is ok, but "which" is better. By the way, I don't really like the word "take" and I would prefer "get." However, a take is used as a collocation with the word "pill" as in to "take a pill," it is not incorrect in this sentence. An example of this is Morpheus giving the hero a choice of pills in the movie Matrix.

"In this way people tend to think the same, to dress the same, to wear the same brands." vs. "In this way people tend to think the same, to dress the same and to wear the same brands." - You need the conjunction "and" to connect your list of points. It's best to remove the comma as well. Also, it would be better to try to make each point similar to each other in structure. For example: "In this way people tend to think the same manner, to dress the same way and to wear the same brands."

"They became little ..." vs. "They become little ..." The possible consequences of what happens when everyone thinks the same is that they become. The past simple verb "became" is talking about the past.

"They become little or no critical at all" vs. "They become little or not critical at all" - Compare "I have no critiques" with "I am not critical." The word "no" here accompanies a noun and refers to quantity and "not" accompanies an adjective.

"On the other hand I would say, globalization for whom?" vs. "On the other hand I would ask, globalization for whom?" Technically speaking, the word "say" is correct. However, as you ask a question, the word "ask" is more appropriate. This is a minor point.

"I guess that third world countries are not included in such a wonder." Although I haven't marked either of these as incorrect, I am not convinced by either as they sound awkward and might be better expressed in some other way. For example, in the first case you might say something like "it seems to me" and in the second you might add in an ironic adjective like "pretentious," "ostentatious," or "fraudulent," meaning something like "making false claim to or creating an appearance of ( undeserved) importance or distinction."

"Why not a real globalization, including all countries?" vs. "Why not include all countries in a real globalization?" The main problem I see here is that there is no verb and, in this "English student" context, you should have a subject and a verb in every sentence. You do this several times in the following sentences.

" A globalization about human rights, ..." vs. "Why not have a globalization of human rights, ..." The preposition "about" is superficial in this context. It's similar to watching a film about human rights. The preposition "of," on the other hand, is deeper. In this second case, the "human rights" are clearly being globalized.

"respect for environment" vs. "respect for the environment" - Use "the" with the word "environment." In a similar way, you can talk about "the planet," "the atmosphere" and "the ocean."

"education in the wide sense of the word, ..." vs. "education in the broad sense of the word, ..." The phrase "wide sense" is not incorrect technically speaking. The second option is much more frequent.

"education in the broad sense of the word, this is including the ability to be critical." vs. "education in the broad sense of the word, that is, including in the ability to be critical." The phrase "that is" means "to explain it more clearly." The phrase "this is" is simply confusing and is not usually used to mean "that is." The second mistake here is that we are educated "in" something or "to do" something.

" I think that it is better a globalization in business terms." There are various errors here including the Spanglish sentence structure. Compare with: "I think that a globalization in business terms is better." However, I think you prefer to be either ironic or sarcastic and say something like: "I think that the powers that be prefer a globalization only in business terms." (This is a phrase used to refer to the group which holds power over globalization, if, in fact, such a group exists.)

"Free markets where everybody can sell and buy." vs. "Free markets where everybody can buy and sell." The latter is the usual word order for this collocation. Think of it as an expression.

"Of course, everybody with the money to do it." "Of course, only those with the money to do it." Technically speaking, the word "everybody" is correct. However, if you want to sound a little more ironic, the phrase "only those" is more appropriate.

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